Should I Move Out At 18?

Got a problem? - Get counseling from the gurus

Moderator: Moderators

User avatar
blacky0g
Casual toker
Casual toker
Posts: 84
Joined: Tue Dec 14, 2010 2:38 am
Location: New York City
Contact:

Should I Move Out At 18?

Post by blacky0g » Sat May 28, 2011 4:30 pm

In 2005 i was moved to my dads because my mother's schizophrenia. throughout my life before this my father had struggled to be apart of my life since he and my mother broke up when i was 3 and my mother for whatever reason had made it very hard for him to be a supportive father which meant a lot to him since he never had his biological father in his life.while at my mother's i hadnt been doing well in school and often wouldnt do homework and had a lot of teachers always saying i just cant do the work but my dad always believed in me and when i would go over to his house on weekends id do most of my homework and even extra work there. my dad would show this work the extra work to teachers but most of the time the ignored it so consequently when i moved i was in special education. after a few months of living with my dad hed help me to raise my grades high enough to get out of special education he also got me to workout and loose a lot of weight.i ended up gratuating with good grades at the end of 5th grade.

in middle school however my grades ranges from mid 80s to high 70s and towards the end of my 8th grade my home life seemed to become extremely conflicting i would argue with my father over seemingly insuggnifigant things and no matter how calm i was or if he was right or i was right itd always end in a very harsh way. this has continued to happen and has become increasingly hard for my father and me to have a conversation without argueing he's started to become very aggressive as i get older. resently my aunt on my mother's side had suggested i could move through the court or at 18 and its been on my mind for a year. i talk to my father about me moving at 18 and he says that he doesnt want anything to do with me if i do and i understand where he's coming from because he sees it as me throwing away all hes done for me he also said that apart of my mom might want to know i wont do work and wants to hold me back so that ill always be stuck in her house living off of her he also believes i wont be able to do any work at my mothers and im not sure i will myself.

do you think i should try my chances at my mothers or stay and tough it out for 2 more years where things might get worse?

User avatar
sugarstalker
Herbal Assassin
Herbal Assassin
Posts: 978
Joined: Fri Aug 18, 2006 12:38 pm
Location: Norway
Contact:

Re: Should I Move Out At 18?

Post by sugarstalker » Sat May 28, 2011 8:32 pm

why exactly, has your relationship with your father soured the way it has?
Image

(weedguru)scarf
Ganja God
Ganja God
Posts: 5762
Joined: Tue Oct 11, 2005 12:50 pm
Contact:

Re: Should I Move Out At 18?

Post by (weedguru)scarf » Sun May 29, 2011 1:00 am

Are you planning on more study?
Or working?
Or...?

Do you have friends to move out with to split costs?
Or will it be by yourself?
woah

User avatar
blacky0g
Casual toker
Casual toker
Posts: 84
Joined: Tue Dec 14, 2010 2:38 am
Location: New York City
Contact:

Re: Should I Move Out At 18?

Post by blacky0g » Sun May 29, 2011 1:05 am

my grades going up and down but they had been doing that for awhile. also i feel like the consequences for my grades seem blown out of proportion. also the way he reacts to something i do like for example i bump into him in a crampped space while he was repremanding me about something and he took it as a sign of defiance and started to become very hostile.

im planning on more study

User avatar
sugarstalker
Herbal Assassin
Herbal Assassin
Posts: 978
Joined: Fri Aug 18, 2006 12:38 pm
Location: Norway
Contact:

Re: Should I Move Out At 18?

Post by sugarstalker » Sun May 29, 2011 10:30 am

well, I think that if your schoolwork is going to suffer if you move out you should stay, assuming you can keep your grades up as it is, because messing up school because of some quarrel is a waste. I'd say that if a temporary solution (staying with your father) is going to help you in the rest of your life (getting good grades in school), you should consider toughing it out.
Image

User avatar
blacky0g
Casual toker
Casual toker
Posts: 84
Joined: Tue Dec 14, 2010 2:38 am
Location: New York City
Contact:

Re: Should I Move Out At 18?

Post by blacky0g » Tue May 31, 2011 12:37 am

yeah im just going to stay and tough it out thanks a lot for the help its appreciated

User avatar
weedguru_animal
Ganja God
Ganja God
Posts: 6549
Joined: Tue Jul 16, 2002 6:07 pm
Location: south
Contact:

Re: Should I Move Out At 18?

Post by weedguru_animal » Fri Jun 03, 2011 10:03 am

you are a yet a boy, blacky, and your dad is a man. Obviously its not as simple as that. aside from the problems of your parents, there are FEELINGS involved, but your father needs to take on board that you are still a kid...not an adult. My advice, unless serious abuse is occuring, will always be, selfishly; stick with a parental home if it offers you a safe and costless refuge. And in your case, i sense a hint of suggestion, with you and your father BOTH needing sound advice from loved ones, to repair the rift. Keep us updated...you will find many a warm soul here at WG, always happy to help.

User avatar
Ella_Bella
Casual toker
Casual toker
Posts: 32
Joined: Thu Jun 02, 2011 7:00 pm
Location: BFE America
Contact:

Re: Should I Move Out At 18?

Post by Ella_Bella » Fri Jun 03, 2011 11:41 pm

Hi sweetie. I understand you are in a tough place right now. I will assume that your father only wants the best for you, and he is trying to get you to focus on doing better in school, which can cause frustration if he feels like you are slacking off on purpose. As for him feeling like you're being aggressive towards him, that is something serious. You do not want the kind of misunderstanding that could lead to physical blows.
Men are *usually* not very good at even knowing HOW they feel, let alone expressing it. It sounds to me, though, like you understand your father fairly well, and that's a good sign. The question now is, does he understand you? Perhaps that is something you guys could sit down and discuss? Here's the thing though. If you are having trouble communicating what you two may need is a mediator. Someone unrelated to either of you, who will objectively listen to both of you, and be able to help both of you fully understand where the other is at.
Also, have you guys considered getting a tutor for you? Someone who can help you with the things you and he feel are your more difficult subjects, that, again is not related to you. Unrelated people tend to be more objective,and that is what you and your father need right now. You both need to be able to disconnect your emotions from all that has happened, and let yourselves see things from a new perspective.
As for the question at hand, I think given the situation I have read (so long as hostilities can be resolved) it would be in your best interest to stay at home with your father. BUT Should you two be unable to resolve your hostilities then it would be SAFER for you to move, and if that is the case you need to find somewhere that you can go that will not disturb your schooling...
You can also apply for a home school program, given the laws in your state/country. You would be required to be responsible for your own work, but you may find you like that better because you can make your own decisions about your classes. Wow, this got longer than I expected... sorry.. anyways, I hope this helps you even just a little... if nothing else, we'll be more than happy to listen to you, and give advice as best as we can... Good luck darlin!

~Ella
~Ella

(weedguru)scarf
Ganja God
Ganja God
Posts: 5762
Joined: Tue Oct 11, 2005 12:50 pm
Contact:

Re: Should I Move Out At 18?

Post by (weedguru)scarf » Sat Jun 04, 2011 10:17 am

Sounds advice from someone who sounds like she is very experienced.... wise words blacky ^^^
woah

User avatar
blacky0g
Casual toker
Casual toker
Posts: 84
Joined: Tue Dec 14, 2010 2:38 am
Location: New York City
Contact:

Re: Should I Move Out At 18?

Post by blacky0g » Fri Jun 10, 2011 1:30 am

this is greatly appreciated. things have slowly been getting better since i posted this. thank you guys again

User avatar
zERo~Chronic
Herbal Assassin
Herbal Assassin
Posts: 842
Joined: Tue Nov 23, 2004 8:21 am
Location: AL
Contact:

Re: Should I Move Out At 18?

Post by zERo~Chronic » Fri Jun 17, 2011 9:18 pm

Just to throw this out there...your dad will never respect you like he will after you finally kick his ass for all the bullshit
Image

(weedguru)scarf
Ganja God
Ganja God
Posts: 5762
Joined: Tue Oct 11, 2005 12:50 pm
Contact:

Re: Should I Move Out At 18?

Post by (weedguru)scarf » Sun Jun 19, 2011 3:20 am

:scratchs:
woah

weedguru tom
← i ♥ weed →
←  i ♥ weed  →
Posts: 7448
Joined: Wed Apr 02, 2003 5:11 pm
Contact:

Re: Should I Move Out At 18?

Post by weedguru tom » Thu Aug 04, 2011 8:31 pm

If the bad out weighs the good and you are in a position to pay your own way then sure, if not then don't u do not want to be homeless! Keep ya chin up mate!

User avatar
blacky0g
Casual toker
Casual toker
Posts: 84
Joined: Tue Dec 14, 2010 2:38 am
Location: New York City
Contact:

Re: Should I Move Out At 18?

Post by blacky0g » Thu Mar 28, 2013 3:25 am

A lot has changed since this first posting. Im 19 now and I ended up moving to my mothers at 17, I had ran away for a day and when I came back my father gave me the option of going to the army or moving to my mothers. I chose my mothers and turned 18 two weeks later. Since the move my father and I have a developed a better relationship, I think in part because he doesn't try to make decisions for me and we talk honestly and eye to eye with each other.

User avatar
Weedguru Higher
Tetrahydrocannabinologist
Tetrahydrocannabinologist
Posts: 14620
Joined: Sun Mar 30, 2003 1:31 pm
Location: Canada
Contact:

Re: Should I Move Out At 18?

Post by Weedguru Higher » Sat May 18, 2013 10:53 pm

I left home at 17 and had all sorts of problems...best to stay home and geta grip on things if you can. Leaving the nest to soon isn't as nice as it may sound
Image

Post Reply

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users