Anecdote: I was going to die.

[Rory]

It had been one month since we moved from Ottawa to Saipan, a tropical island in the south-east pacific ocean. My father had acquired a job there as an emergency room doctor. He told us it would be a fun adventure. Not so, as I would learn. Three weeks after we arrived I fell ill. I remember sitting on the beach, my parents attempting to catch a snapshot of my two siblings and I, and not being able to smile because my mouth and throat hurt so much.

“Mom! This Jello is impossible to swallow!” I exclaimed, but to no effect. Lying in the hospital bed, I could hear her talking with the doctor just outside the room. They came in and sat down beside me. I had been diagnosed with Herpetic Esophagitis. That was why my throat burned like searing hot coals. That was why I hadn’t been able to properly eat in one week. To worsen matters, apparently, if I did not get the proper antiviral medication as soon as possible, I was going to die.

Too bad they had to get the medication from Hawaii. Saipan’s hospital was under staffed and under funded. Days I waited in searing agony, pus-oozing sores popping and in my mouth and throat. Each felt like miniature volcanoes of deadly infection ripping through the soft tissue of my esophagus. Three days passed and the antiviral medication arrived. It was the most relieving moment in my life. I had sat in an overheated, dingy hospital for three days thinking I was going to die! These little yellow pills were my guardian angels, arriving to rescue me. Life is different now. I take care of my body and appreciate the fact that any day I could die. I now appreciate that I could die from something as small and meaningless as herpes.

[President Beavis]

Infected puss explosions in your throat?

That's so fucking sick just thinking about it.

[Dr. Greenthumb]

I like the anecdote, but maybe next time don't swallow.

[Rory]

I like the anecdote, but maybe next time don't swallow.

You're so witty