English converted, snow white

[captainMorton]

the following two stories are modified versions of the original that I did for extra credit in english class. these little suckers passed me a course!!


Snow White and the Seven Dwarves



Once upon a time there was a beautiful young woman named Snow White who fell in love with a charming young prince and they were going to live happily ever after, UNTIL ONE DAY, Snow Whites evil stepmother the Queen asked her magic mirror, “ mirror mirror on the wa…”she said “ what? Who’s there? John?” the mirror said cutting her off “No you stupid mirror, this is the Queen you fool!” “ Hey listen lady, I have a name you know, its Frank alright, all these years you’ve been going mirror this and mirror that without even a thank you so just ask nice and I might consider answering your Question alright?” “Alright alright fine, frank would you please tell me who is the fairest one in all the land?” “Oh god stop talking like that, listen say it normally or I wont answer” “Fine, Frank who is the most gorgeous person in the country?” “ Better but we still got to work on your ego, anyhoo the sexiest woman is Snow White” “Snow White? What!!?” “Hey you asked me alright” and with that he faded away. At that time Snow White was eavesdropping on the conversation between the Queen and Frank and the plan to kill her after Frank left “Oh my, I must runaway now” she said to herself, and so she ran into the woods to live out the rest of her days. One day 5 years later she was walking along extremely hideous looking and tired when she saw a house in the distance. Snow White (not very white any more) ran to the house and knocked on the door “ Hello? Is anybody home?” she yelled “Go away you stupid girl were no letting you in” “ please kind sir I’ve been out here for 5 years” “and we’ve been out here for 15 so go build your own house” “ I’m going to stay here for five years knocking until you let me in” and so she stayed but they still did not let her in or did they come out until after 5 years the door opened and out stepped seven dwarves with baseball bats “ GO THE HELL AWAY” “ oh finally does this mean your letting me in?”

“NO YOU CRAZY WOMAN” the angry dwarf screamed “WERE REPORTING YOU TO THE QUEEN!!” and with that they tied her to a stick and took her to the kingdom. Two hours later she woke up in front of the Queen and her mirror Frank “Snow White?” said Frank “Is that you?” “Yes” said Snow White “What did you do to her?” Frank asked the Queen “Nothing, she ran away before I could kill her” “why would you try to kill her?” “ because you said she was prettier than me” “Oh yeah, um…I was lying I just said that to piss you off the most beautiful woman lives in Berlin, sorry for the inconvenience”

“AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!” screamed Snow White as she ran at the mirror with one of the baseball bats the dwarves brought and smashed him into a million pieces. And they all lived happily ever after (except for the mirror who was in a million pieces).

I wrote that like two years ago and i figures id post it

[captainMorton]

The Three little Pigs



Once upon a time there was three little Pigs. These Pigs were brothers who just left to live in their oldest brothers brick house. There was also a technologically advanced wolf named Joe who was very hungry. The wolf heard about these Three Pigs from his cousin who already tried to eat them and failed miserably so Joe figured that seeing as he was a hell of a lot more intelligent than his idiot cousin he went to go see this brick house that all the Pigs were supposedly living in. when he got there he saw that the house was hardly made of brick anymore. It had 4 inch steel plating, 10 automated machine gun turrets and a laser grid security system. “My god” said the wolf “I’m going to need some more men.

The next day the wolf and his men (mostly made up of dogs, coyotes, hyenas or other canines of some sort) were gathered out side the Pig’s house talking about the battle plan “O.k., Steve your taking out the laser grid, Bob your destroying the guns and Jimmy your going to get us inside”. Two minutes later 10 rocket propelled grenades destroyed the guns, the courtyard power supply was taken out along with the laser grid and a hole appeared in the middle of the houses dining room floor and the entire assault group jumped out of it and ran through the house looking for the Pigs. “Uh… Joe, you better come in here” “ what is it Jimmy?” Joe said into his walkie-talkie “Just get in here!” “O.K. everyone into the house!” Joe shouted to the rest of his men out side. “Alright jimmy, were here, what is it!?” Joe yelled, “We cant find them” Jimmy Said “WHAT!!! What do you mean you can’t find them!?” “ Hey guys? Do you here something ticking?” asked one of the wolves. 500 yards away the Three Pigs were looking at the decoy house that all the canines just ran into, “Would you do the honors Big Bro?” asked the youngest pig “Of course I will Little Bro” said the oldest pig “Don’t forget your protective goggles” said the second oldest pig. The Three Pigs all put on their goggles and the oldest pushed the little red button on the detonator he had been given and the decoy house exploded into a fine red mist. “Stupid Dogs” said the youngest Pig “When will they ever learn that you can’t beat pork?”.

wrote that for the same teacher at the same time, I also wrote one about that princess who kisses the frog, but in my version she died of AIDs and the frog price became a dictator, but i lost that file