Beast

[Uggy]

I have been very slowly working on this novel for about 3 years, and I've finally started editing all the mismatched journals it was written in and am now transposing it to my computer, but I just finished editing the first scene. Just hoping to get some feedback, and sorry if you don't like fantasy btw :p. Btw this was the first creative thing I ever wrote, so don't slaughter me. I'll try and put more of the book up if ya guys like.

Chapter 1

A small white rabbit could smell something under the layers of snow beneath it, and it moved with slow purposeful hops towards it's prize. All around the rabbit snow was falling, adding to the already thick blanket that was covering most of the Nordvar forest. There were tall pines surrounding the rabbit, each of them wearing a light dusting of snow. The rabbit continued it's slow search, and for what it was searching the rabbit did not know, but it was there, a nut perhaps, or a frozen flower. The rabbit put its nose to the snow and sniffed closely, each breath displacing a few snowflakes.

There was a flash of movement in the distance and the rabbit immediately stood up, ears perked and eyes wide sensing everything around him. He knew something was there and it was moving very fast, the rabbit could hear quick footsteps, but this was something the rabbit had never seen, it didn't hear the multiple footsteps he would hear from a pack of wolves, or the heavy breathing of an Arctic Bear, and it was too loud to be an Ice Fox. The rabbit was as still as a statue, he hadn't eaten in days and he was wondering if whatever the noise was even knew he was there. After another moment with no noise the rabbit decided he needed his food, and that the potential predator was not meant for him. The search continued, slightly more hastily now, as the rabbit began to dig through the snow, small paws moving quickly. Then suddenly the rabbit stopped, he was still halfway in the hole but he could sense something behind him. In an instance the rabbit pushed his hind legs off the ground leaping forward, and in mid-air he prepared his powerful appendages to hit the ground running. His paws stopped suddenly short of the ground, and a few flakes of snow fell from his fur back to their brethren on the ground. The rabbit's fur was getting damp from breath coming out of the jaws which were wrapped around him. The rabbit turned itself over, cautious of the teeth which were just gently pressing his flesh. The rabbit turned completely and found himself staring into the eyes of a Nord Tiger, large green eyes that looked sympathetic for a moment before narrowing suddenly. Blood spattered the snow around the hole the rabbit had been digging, and steam arose from all around the tiger, who stood motionless with the rabbit in his mouth. After a moment the tiger's muscles visibly relaxed as she took a few slow steps towards the trees before breaking into a sprint. Wind was rushing through fur and blood was the only taste in the tiger's mouth, she felt exhilarated and ran faster, her limbs rarely touching the ground.

[WeedGuru_Flow]

Good introduction, though you used the word rabbit too much. The way this scene plays out makes me think the rabbit would be something important and then all of a sudden it gets chomped on by that Nord Tiger,which is cool, but now I'm wondering where everything is going :p

Some nice lines,just make sure you don't use a certain word or name too much,just give the reader the information required,like mention the rabbit at first,then continue on telling the story,there's no need to remind the reader that the creature is a rabbit every other sentence

[Uggy]

Thanks dude, That's really helpful, I'm glad you liked the story and trust me it's going to some wierd places. I'll finish editing some more and put it up.

[WeedGuru_Flow]

Yeah man,keep adding bits, if I notice them I'll make sure to read them and give you my two cent on them, so far I like it