25th March, 2009, GET OUT OF THE WATER
The cryptozoological community launched an attack on our souls last week when a report was published in Historical Biology, which claimed "Three new large marine mammals, so-called sea-serpents, are extremely likely to be discovered".
The cursed devil jackals of the water world are thankfully assumed to be living in remote and seldom visited areas of the oceans, but the report suggests that many of the several hundred records of sightings or engagements, with similar beasts, recorded in history stretching back many centuries, could well be accurate evidence that the Enemy has not always maintained such a large distance from humanity. Be warned...
Travel advice of a similar vein is also urged upon any of you soon to be visiting Borneo, where this giant snake was caught on camera last week...
I could go on to supply you with details of the nastier creatures that the cryptozoologists believe to be roaming free, able to kill at will, without rhyme nor reason...but lets dispense with the horror...you have enough on your plate to deal with in avoiding that unreasonably oversized snake and the boat eating serpents...So let's end this forage into the unknown but likely with a snap of the mythical skunk-ape...
Have you seen him***
Thread of the week:
Charles Bukowski, the alcoholic vagrant genius whose prose and poetry are sure to offend, entertain, astound and encourage even the most limited of minds.
"The nine-to-five is one of the greatest atrocities sprung upon mankind. You give your life away to a function that doesn't interest you. This situation so repelled me that I was driven to drink, starvation, and mad females, simply as an alternative."
“Show me a man who lives alone and has a perpetually clean kitchen, and 8 times out of 9 I'll show you a man with detestable spiritual qualities.”